"Defending" Peace

  Over the last six months, we have had the honor of caring for my wife Rebeckas' best friend (of 45 years!), Melody, during her cancer treatment and transition. She asked us if she could stay with us because she believed that she would receive the best care and the most loving support with us, in our home. The kind of care and support she believed she could not receive at her home in Grass Valley. We gave her our bedroom, which was perfect for her, as it has it's own bathroom and is separate from the rest of the house. Like a small apartment. We considered it an honor to have her stay with us. A profound opportunity to be of service.
  We set out to make our home a sanctuary for her and all those who would come to visit and stay. Many did. For the last two months, there were no less than 5 people staying in our home and with visitors, we had as many as 15 people here at a time.
Her youngest son Pavel, visited her about two weeks before her passing. He came into our house stoic and angry, not saying a word or making eye contact. While visiting Melody, we wanted to make him (and the 6 other people visiting her) comfortable, so we brought chairs and pillows up. After I brought up a chair, Rebecka brought us some pillows. To Rebecka, Pavel said "this is your house. But this is my mother. So, keep your husband out of this room, as I'm feeling like I want to throw something through the wall!"
  When she came back downstairs, I saw a look of terror on her face, like I've never seen. This saddened me greatly. I also felt great anger. I wanted to storm up there and expel him from our house. It took all my will to restrain myself from this. I didn't confront him, because I so wanted to support him in having as loving a visit with his mother as possible. I just stayed out of the way. In fact, after speaking with a few people about how to proceed, we agreed that it would be best if I wasn't visible when he came through. I tucked myself away in our sons bedroom for the duration.
  Our house being a two bedroom, towards the end of Melodies life, we frequently  used Elijahs' room as the only other room in the house where we could close the door. It was very magnanimous of him to share his only private space with us.
  Rebecka and I had set out to make our home a place where all were welcome. We made it our focus to support all who came, with a hug, a meal, or a bed. We loved the idea of creating this sanctuary. So, to have Melodies' son come and (as we saw it) defile this temple (where his own mother had requested to stay), shocked us to our core. We were distressed for many days after his visit. It was enough to be caring for her in our small home, with a steady flow of people coming through. This was devestating.
 When we finally felt some peace again, word got to us that apparently, Pavel hadn't had his "moment" with her. We witnessed many beautiful exchanges between Melody and the people who came to visit her (possibly, their last time). Each, having had their "moment:" a sharing of tears, regrets, wishes, and love.
  So, word got to us that Pavel was returning.  I remember it vividly, the morning that we got this news. I was doing yoga in Elijahs' room (the available room), feeling very conflicted as to how to protect my family from threats (or worse), while keeping as peaceful an environment as possible.
The plan that I approached Rebecka with was, that when he arrived, I would stand outside the front door with another adult male, with the door closed. I would say something like "you are welcome to be in our home as long as you are kind to all who are here and threaten no one." I would extend my hand, to see if he would shake it in agreement. Then, I would allow him in.
  Rebeckas' response was that I should not even be visible when he arrived. Like before, it would be best if I stayed in Elijahs' room. The nurses, the social worker, the friends and family who were with us, all agreed.
I was torn. My male, husband, father, protector: gaurdian of our home wanted to take a position of strength.
It occured to me to call on those whose expertise it is to protect and keep the peace. I called the Sebastopol police station. Now, the police in this town are a fine example of peace-keepers. I have witnessed them many times, in difficult situations, where they used tact and dialogue to deescalate a situation. I told the cop my idea of standing strong in front of our sanctuary. He listened without interruption. He proceeded to tell me that the best plan would be for me to not be visible to Pavel. Why give him a target for his aggression? Just let him on through and if there was a problem, to call 911.
  I was very grateful for his advice. I was also very relieved. Once again, Life had taught me that there is always a way to create peace: always a way to be peace.

"You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war." ~ Albert Einstein

Death Bed Forgiveness

 In March of last year, my wife's best friend (of 45 years!) Melody, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The most deadly of all cancers.

 Melody asked us if she could stay with us during her treatments and during this time of transition. We were honored to receive such a request and proceeded to create our home as a sanctuary for her and all those connected to her, who would be visiting and staying with us.
 While with us, I had the honor of supporting her therapeutically. As a counselor and hypnotherapist, I supported her in delving into her psychological wounding. As we reflected on her relationship with her sister Dawn, it became apparent that for her, this relationship held more pain, grief, and shame than any other. For Melody, the enormity of this pain was so great, that she believed it to be insurmountable: unhealable. So much so, that she didn't want to address it.Yet, in the final stages of her cancer, word got to Dawn that Melody was dying and Dawn came to visit. 

 When Dawn arrived, we ushered her up to Melodies room. There, with Melody barely able to speak, they made eye contact, they held hands, they cried, and each said "I love you." I had the profound Gift of witnessing how this seemingly immovable obstacle to love, melted in a few seconds. Gone. 

Replaced with, love and gratitude. Truly a miracle. 

 The only obstacles to love were Melodies thoughts about all the instances in her past, when she had experienced pain.  She had decided that given these experiences, love was not possible.
 She compiled these experiences into a "book" as it were, becoming a kind of "playbook" for relationship: a reminder of what was possible (pain) and what was not (love). But the moment Dawn showed up, the book vanished. and with it, the past stories of pain and victimization. In that moment, all she knew was love and gratitude. She needed to let go of that "book" in order to love.

 Our present time emotional suffering stems from the belief that our present and our future will be filled with suffering, given our past. So pain is a "time thing."  It only exists when we bring in the past hurts and overlay them onto our present reality. Whereas love is a "present thing".

In short, the only evidence for the existence of time, is the "
distance" we are from love.
Bon Voyage Melody. 

Addiction

What is addiction? How do we recognize when we're addicted? What to do then?

 "Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance or engages in an activity that can be pleasurable, but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life, responsibilities, such as work or relationships, or health. 
Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others." ~ Psychology Today

Common And Seemingly Uncommon Addictions
When you are sad, bored, or depressed, do you go shopping?  Rather than looking at what you can acquire, look for what you can let go of.  When I let go of something physical, mental and emotional "space" are cleared. It's as though by letting go of a thing, I have more of me! "Less is more". I feel more relaxed and inspired.
 
When you travel, is there some element of escape from your life? Do you give yourself permission for activities when you travel, that you don't allow yourself in your daily life?  What does this say about your daily life?
There's a scene in the Star Trek movie "Insurrection", when the crew of the Enterprise visit a planet where the people have the capacity to travel anywhere in the galaxy but don't. When asked why, one of them replied "Where would galactic travel take us, but away from here?" Sonoma County is this way for me.

We are led to believe that for us to be happy, we must have entertainment, adventure. Yet, these activities are only temporary retreats from what I call our "default state": the experience of ourselves and our lives that is most common to us.

Dependence On Making Others Dependent On Us
We may not recognize when we are attempting to lure people into a dependency on us. When we can create this dynamic, we feel a temporary sense of power; one that likely turns to emptiness. Reflecting on a significant relationship in your life, please take a moment to answer the following questions. As writing is so revealing, you may wish to write your answers.
In this relationship:
Are you looking for a certain kind of attention? What kind? Why?
Are you in a power struggle? What is the nature of this struggle?
Are you making them your "project? What are you looking to change in them? Why?
Do you feel yourself to be a better person when you're with them? How so?
Do you look to them for permission to behave a certain way or engage in a certain activity? What way/activity?

When in relationship, we often pick one of two polarities. Call them high/low, good/bad, empowerment/dis-empowerment, right/wrong, deserving/ undeserving. I have chosen all those roles many times throughout my life. When I have chosen the "high", "deserving", or "good" polarity, I put on a persona to match that. I talk the "high" or "good" talk, while hiding those aspects of my life I think the person I'm relating to will disapprove of.   As a child, I assumed the belief that I was a "good, loved" child. So, as an adult, I have  tried to place myself into the "good" polarity.

Addiction To Emotions
Often, our first reactionary emotion is anger. We believe that this makes us powerful and will frighten our "opposition."  We feel adrenaline moving through us, our hearts beating faster, the blood flowing faster, providing more oxygen to our bodies. Through this, we know we're alive. From this perspective, being peaceful is somehow associated with weakness. Yet, we are our most clear thinking, centered, and strong, when we're peaceful. We are more aware of our surroundings and other people. We are more aware of what is authentically true for us. True strength is accessed through a still mind.
When wallowing in sadness, we can find further evidence as to how we are alone in the world and how "nothing goes our way." We sink into depression and see a world filled only with loss and heartbreak.
When we allow our fear to influence us, we make our choices from a sense of inferiority; from a subconscious belief  that we are not deserving of love and success in our lives.
Allowing our emotions to influence our choices perpetuates this self imposed scale of deserving-not deserving, superior-inferior, worthy-not worthy, good-bad, acceptable-not acceptable.

Addiction To Thought
Thoughts are our constant companion, whether we like them or not. Even when our thoughts are distressing and worrisome, there is a familiarity with them. We believe it's our thoughts that remind us that we're alive.       "I think, therefore I am." ~ Rene Descartes
Our lives revolve around thoughts such that we believe that without them, we are somehow lifeless and purposeless. We have become so addicted to this belief that we may never even question the value of thought. This is our most basic addiction. The one that leads to all others. When we deal with this addiction, all other addictions and in fact, our very existence, is positively influenced.

"I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences. I am not the content of my life. I am Life. I am the space in which all things happen. I am consciousness. I am Now. I Am."  ~ Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks


Beyond (or behind) our thoughts, there is an awareness that has always watched the drama of our lives. It's like a screen upon which the movie (thoughts, emotions, even our dreams) is projected. Although this "screen" (this awareness) remains free from what is projected upon it. In Eastern Mysticism, this awareness  is called the "witness". I consider this "witness" our doorway to Infinite Life

Notice when you are focused on creating or giving, how you have fewer thoughts about yourself, about what you can get from another (no greed or manipulation); no thoughts of hiding or defending. In fact, there are fewer thoughts altogether!
 
Becoming Aware Of Addiction

One great dynamic to reveal our addictive tendency is in the drum circle. When playing a rhythm, we often experience boredom (just like life, when in a repetitive cycle) This boredom may also be experienced as a frustration and an increasing desire for a change: speed up the tempo, add some more parts to the rhythmic pattern, something! It's this very boredom (both in the drum circle and in life) that leads us to try to find something to "fill our consciousness." When one stays with this boredom, not trying to change or minimize it, but accepting it, the boredom gives way to deeper peace and joy. Sit with your boredom, let it build within you, breathing deeply as you do. Let go of results and time, of doing of any kind and just sit. The boredom will pass when you have fully accepted it. When I do, I experience a peace and joy as sweet as any entertainment or adventure. This peace is available 24/7.

Freedom From Addiction
I love to quote Joseph Campbells pithy, poignant, phrase; "Follow Your Bliss". Like the bumper sticker says: "If it ain't fun, don't do it".  I believe the essence of why we fall into addiction is that deep down we know this exquisite Bliss is within us: that it is in fact, who we are. But since we are so addicted to thought, we use our thoughts to find it. We look to externals to experience it. It ain't there.

Follow your bliss. What do you love to do?
Following my Bliss, my entire life has changed. I do work that I love, I live with people that I love, and have learned how to return to love when I have entered conflict. Follow your bliss long enough, and your life becomes filled with inspiration and passion.

Do you feel stuck in your life? Do you have concerns in a relationship or.feel weighted down by  addiction?
Do you want to experience the wealth of strength and joy within you?
It is my profound honor to assist you through whatever passage you are traversing, to a deeper awareness of your innate worth, and the recognition and expression of your unique gifts.
Visit my web page; www.SaharPinkham.com.
On Facebook: Sahar Eric Pinkham
On YouTube: SaharSound

I wish you Peace.

Parenting

My Story
One week after I graduated from high school, I moved into an ashram (the Indian equivalent of a monastery). I wanted to experience the Truth of my existence. Also, if my parents relationship was any clue to marriage, I wanted to get as far away from that as possible. I saw marriage as a death of sorts, filled with repression, dishonesty, drudgery, and pain: lots of pain.

In addition, I saw raising children as a further step into this "hellish" realm.  Children would only add chaos to the picture, exacerbating this horror. I believed that all things joyous and free were not to be found as a spouse or parent. So, I traveled down a path of celibacy and monasticism for 6 years.

Even with this strong fear of relationship, I met my first wife in the ashram and we were married within a year. Six years later, we had a son. For the first few years of his life, I feared his dependency on me would exclude all life outside of taking care of him and working. I believed that for the next 18 years, I would have no freedom. No time for me.

This fear that we'll lose our freedom, upon having a child, is common among new dads; one that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. We transfer our fears of parenting onto our children and our lives, creating a life of drudgery. We tell ourselves that our children are in part, the cause of this drudgery. "If it weren't for them, we wouldn't have to work so hard, so long". We may find ourselves regretting time with our children, while waiting for a few "precious" moments to ourselves. I call these thoughts "what about me"?!

Fear Turns To Guilt
During my first sons teenage years, I felt much guilt, that I had been so distracted by my fear, during his early years.
This guilt lead me to not be clear in my relationship with him. I would invite him to participate with me, in activities that he wasn't interested in and then I'd be disappointed/ sad when he didn't want to join me. I would take this as a rejection. My decisions were clouded by my guilt, such that I couldn't see that he just wasn't interested. What a tangled web we weave!

These fears of marriage and parenting were the phantoms from my own childhood, continuing to haunt me. I was raised in a home where we children were often separate from our parents. When our father (who worked long hours) arrived home, we weren't allowed to be with him, or my mother. They went into the den, closing the door. When we wanted to be with them, we would knock on the door to the den and wait for a "yes" before entering. We'd stand in the doorway, ask our question(s) (usually rehearsed), receive an answer, and then leave, closing the door behind us. Formal, impersonal, and cold.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." ~ Albert Einstein

How remarkable that the very lifestyle that I feared most is the one that has encompassed over 1/2 of my life!  When we invest energy into pushing something away (in this case, marriage and kids), we give it energy. To the extent that we reject anything is the extent to which it stays with us! Think of yourself as standing inside a big rubber band. As you push against one side, you are met with the same force. The more you push it away, the more force there is on you.

Healing Your Inner Child
To recognize just what "wounds" you are bringing into the present, take a moment and recall the most painful memory from your childhood. Bring that memory fully into your minds' eye. Place yourself into that scene. As you are reliving this scene, what do you feel? Sadness, fear, anger? The extent to which you feel these emotions is the extent to which that experience still colors your life today. I invite you to give yourself a few minutes for the following exercise. It may assist you in freeing yourself from the influence of your past.
Imagine the child (who was you, from that memory), standing in front of you. See them feeling all that you felt in that scene. Take a moment for this.
Imagine centered in your heart, a brilliant colored light. Let this be the 'Light of your inner Love'. Breath in this Light and let it fill you. Send a steady stream of this Light to the heart of this child. See them receive it. See them fill with gratitude, and peace. See this Light fill their chest. See them rejuvenated by this Light of your Love, as though they are receiving the most enlivening Nutrition. See Joy fill their being. See them feel Inspired, Creative, and Loving. Do this now.

As you send this Light to them, take this moment to tell them whatever you are inspired to say. Reassure them that you are aware of them and their needs: that you now advocate for them in every way. Take a moment for this.

Now, see in their heart a brilliant, colored Light of Love. See a steady stream of Light and Love extend from their heart to yours. Allow yourself to receive it fully. Let it fill you as they have just been filled. 
Now envision a flow of Light and Love from your heart to theirs and from their heart to yours. Take a moment for this..

You may wish to imagine taking them in your arms: feeling the warmth of their little body against yours. You may then wish to create a beautiful, sacred spot for them in your heart. Place them there, surrounded by your Love.

Every time you find yourself in the influence of these past hurts, remember this child and send them Love.

The Gift Of Parenting
I see parenting as a journey of clearing the path before us, so that we may see the "path" that our children are on, not the one we think that they should be on. Whatever unhealthy beliefs and behaviors from our childhood, that we carry into our parenting, our work is to free ourselves from allowing it to influence how we see and therefore parent our kids. Our work is nothing short of completely freeing ourselves of these influences, that we may see our kids clearly: that we may no longer see that there is anything at all that we need to change in them. In so doing, we see our children's innate ability to handle whatever is in their lives. They come into this world with the strength to meet any challenge. They come in with the creativity to rise and flourish. For example, infants are fully aware of what they want and don't want, and have no fear expressing this. An infant will cry until they are fed, changed, given a nap: until the unmet need is met.

"Be The Example You Want To See" (from your children) ~ Mahatma Gandhi
The only reason that we see anything other than capable, strong, immeasurably creative beings is because of 1) how we have taught them, through our own unhealthy behaviors and more importantly, 2) we doubt our ability to support them in recognizing and living in their innate strength and beauty. Simply, when we recognize that within us is an infinite wealth of creativity and strength, we see it in others and support them in seeing it in themselves.
 The following applies to us and our kids. Read it once as it is, then replace references to you with your child's name,                                                                                 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marriane Williamson

Enjoy this adventure with my sons::https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwsaAT022Vc

                                                            My son's upcoming play

Meditation

Meditation is the uninterrupted flow of focused awareness.

We All Meditate
In every thing we do, is the opportunity to bring this focused awareness.
In fact, you are already engaged in some form of meditation. Just discover what. A few of the activities in which we experience this focused awareness are driving, gardening, cooking, walking, dancing, sitting, sex, playing music, exercise, writing, sports, eating, reading, crafting, building, drawing, studying, painting, cleaning, washing dishes: you get the idea.


Feeling emotion deeply is meditation. Notice how when angry, there are times when you have greater focus. Notice when you allow yourself to fully feel and express sadness, how much your mind is focused. When scared, to the extent that you just feel this fear, free of blame or victimization, do you feel alive. Notice also in these instances, just how quickly emotion moves through you, returning you to peace. Emotions are just "energy in motion."
When we allow thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations to be experienced, we are in meditation.

It's when we apply meaning and/or past associations to the experience that we think of the experience as "bad" or painful. In Eastern Mysticism, the distinction is made between physical pain, being a natural part of life and suffering, caused by our overlaying of stories/ meanings/ associations onto the moment. There's nothing to be done, but accept and feel "pain", but suffering, it is said, is optional. Suffering is a choice.
Another way of looking at this is that suffering is caused by the false belief that we are unlovable, no one accepts us, and that we're separate and alone. What I call our "what about me" fears.

Notice when you are in a focused awareness (or meditation) how you have no thoughts about yourself. No thoughts about what you can get from another (no greed or manipulation); no thoughts around why you should hide (there's nothing to hide); no thoughts about any need to defend (there's nothing to defend). There's no "what about me." Notice how you're experiencing a steady flow of focused attention on your activity and how good you feel. In this "flow" or "zone", there's no self-awareness, no separate self, no me verses anyone or anything, no "fight or flight".

"I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences. I am not the content of my life. I am Life. I am the space in which all things happen. I am consciousness. I am Now. I Am."  ~ Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks

The "Zone".
In one study of athletes "peak experiences" or the "zone", "characteristics included focusing on the present moment, effortless merging of action and awareness, loss of personal ego, sense of control, clear feedback, and an intrinsic reward system. Athletes recalled these special moments during sport participation as salient, highly valued and extremely meaningful.' This "zone" has been studied extensively in sports. while often missed in our day to day activities.

Meditation has it's formal practice as well. You may associate it with the following steps: sit up straight, in the lotus or half lotus position, place your hands on your knees or in your lap. Have a focus, whether it be on a mantra, a geometric design, your breath, or on a given location, like between your eyes or your navel.

When I studied formal meditation, I learned that meditation is one step in a series of steps. This first step being "concentration". I learned that the step of concentration is when one is attempting to bring focus to a certain train of thought, such as repeating a mantra. Think of the analogy of the meditator being like a carriage driver and our thoughts are the team of horses. I think of the stage of concentration as attempting to bring the horses (our thoughts) into alignment. Initially, the horses are heading in all different directions, not unlike an unfocused or confused mind. The next stage is "meditation". In this stage, the "horses" have come into an alignment. We still have thoughts, but we are not pulled in different directions by them. We are peaceful and somewhat detached. In this experience we're not lead by reaction, confusion, or fear. We are motivated more from peace.

                                         The "Pink Pig" family (last name Pinkham, you know)
Group Meditation
Ever been to a sporting event with thousands of people rooting for one of two teams? Quite provocative, right?  Lots of energy, lots of excitement. Whenever we are in a group with an aligned focus, our experience is amplified.  As the group aligns, we experience an amplification of the peace we experience alone. This is a form of group meditation. Take a look at these amazing results of studies documenting the profound effect on communities, of this dynamic:http://maharishi-programmes.globalgoodnews.com/maharishi-effect/research.html.

My favorite form of group meditation is as a drum circle. An amazing way to align our consciousness, while having great childlike fun. Take a look at this video of a drum circle I had the honor of facilitating:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvIBpmEFZ8

Peace, Sahar

Our Fear Of Rejection

 Our fear of rejection: what others might think, say, and do about/ to us.

This fear leads us to behave in ways that we think others will approve of...
*because we are yearning for acknowledgement/ approval/ acceptance...
*because we're afraid that they will reject/ abandon/ even abuse us...
*because we fear they will validate our beliefs, that we are unlovable & unworthy.


Why do we carry this fear?
Is it a part of the human make up?
Is it genetic?
What is it's origin?

There's a story my aunt told me about a three year old boy. As she was visiting our family, the door had been closed to the children, so the adults could have their "adult time". She recalls witnessing this toddler lying on the floor, scratching at the bottom of the door to the room where the adults had gathered, hoping to get some attention: hoping to participate in their gathering, while not being an interruption or "disturbance".
Quite an ironic thing. This child, while just wanting loving attention, was at this tender age conflicted, because he also had been given the message that he was an "interruption" into his parents well-being. What to do?!
    
This child was me. Although, it could have been any of us.

As young children, we made significant decisions in relationship to the main authorities in our lives (generally our parents). These decisions were based on the degree to which we were loved and accepted as the unique, naturally gifted and beautiful beings that we are. With parents who were in conflict, we may have made decisions about how to behave in order to be safe. Thus began our fear of rejection.

Each decision was added to the creation of a "book", "written" by us. This "book" became our self image.
It is this "book" that is the source of our fear of rejection. This "book" is the only thing that separates us from each other, yet, all it is is a collections of stories with no real identity, no real existence.It's just stories!

These decisions/stories eventually lead us away from our natural state of authenticity and spontaneity, to believing that we had to determine our life's course based on perceived  circumstances. We shifted from an internally, freedom-based, proactive reality (experienced as "us as Life" or "us with Life") to an externally based, reactive existence (experienced as "us as separate from Life");  an existence of struggle, which is how most of  us live.

"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure." ~Helen Keller

In my quest for self awareness, I explored how my childhood experiences and decisions have influenced my choices and perceptions in my adult life. I've recognized which choices were made from my fear of rejection. I then traced this fear to my early childhood: often, to within the first three years of my life. This allowed me to recognize when a current choice/perception was based on an early life decision,. Seeing that the present has nothing to do with my past, I could "place" that fear with it's origin, allowing me to see the present as new, with infinite possibility. I could now make a more loving/present choice.

In a hypnotherapy session, I regressed back to my birth. In this regression, as I was being held by the doctor, I had the impulse/ thought: "I am a man. I'm going to do this on my own".  This initial impression was as I grew up, solidified into my belief that I was an "island," that I was alone in the world, (not a part of Infinite Consciousness). It was me against the world: my survival was achieved through competing with others: my success was on the shoulders of others (not with others). I also learned that when I suffered, I should do it alone. I shouldn't burden others' with my pain, they had enough of their own. No one would understand me anyway. Since these beliefs are solidified in our earliest years, addressing our fear of rejection requires us to forgive our parents. It helps to remember that all parents raise us with the skills they can access within them.

Notice how after  sharing the story of my wounding, not only are you not judging me, but that you are feeling compassion for me. When we hide any aspect of our lives, whether it's behaviors, our past, or our beliefs, vital energy is utilized in it's repression.This steals away from our physical and emotional well being and our clarity of thought. We look to others to love us, but when we live freely, we are loving ourselves. Living transparently is true intimacy. Think of intimacy as "Into me you see". When we live openly we feel a deep satisfaction, a sweet gratitude, and a sublime peace.

Sharing truthfully with another person truly "sets us free." I consider it the greatest honor for someone to invite me to bear witness as they explore the dark mystery of their inner world, especially their wounding, their pain. This invitation is their way of saying "I feel safe enough with you to have you "walk" with me into the valley of my inner darkness.: to support me while I explore my fear/pain/wounding".

When I recognize thoughts based on my fear of rejection, my desire is not to try to push them away or pull them in. Just to recognize them and give them no attention. Let them be a side show, while I make new choices based on my present reality. You've probably heard "What you think of me is none of my business." This approach goes a step further, to"what I think about me is none of my business."
Doing this, one becomes aware of "fresh" thoughts: thoughts that until this time have been shrouded by fear. These fresh thoughts guide us to our Highest Good.

Live large. Share your life with others. Share your stories. Because as long as you keep them locked up you won't know freedom. As you continue living openly, you'll realize that there is nothing within you (or anyone) that is worthy of our shrinking from life.

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate, is strength undefeatable." ~ Helen Keller
**********************
Do you feel stuck in your life either in relationship or by addiction?
Do you want to experience the wealth of strength and joy within you?  It's my profound honor to assist you through whatever passage you are traversing, to a deeper awareness of your innate worth, and the recognition and expression of your unique gifts. Visit my web page; www.SaharPinkham.com.

By the way, these great pictures are of my adorable son, Julian.

I wish you Peace.

Our Most Powerful Tool For Well Being & Happiness

Our Most Powerful Tools

As a hypnotherapist, I have supported my clients desire for greater health and well being, by showing them how they can better use their imagination. I believe imagination combined with intention, are possibly our most powerful tools for well being.

Intention
I often experience just how powerful intention is when I'm teaching a drum lesson. As my student is focusing on embodying the rhythm, I hold the intention that they are playing the rhythm with ease, their hands and bodies are relaxed, and that they feel the groove of the rhythm. As I place all my focus completely on them, it's remarkable to see how quickly they get the rhythm. What's also remarkable is that the moment that I'm distracted (I have a thought about something or someone else), they lose their focus and the rhythm! Without my saying a word, without doing a thing, they lost the rhythm!

We seemingly combined our consciousness, doubling our energy and focus towards their embodying the rhythm.

I encourage you to explore this phenomenon. Start with a loved one. Join with them in their focus as they are engaged in some activity. Watch what happens when the two of you are completely focused and what happens when you are distracted. Then bring this to other people: strangers, performers, people struggling. As you support these people, you are living the Golden Rule. You are giving them what you want: loving support. By giving it to others, you'll fill with the gratitude you feel when you receive support.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited"  ~Albert Einstein
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.” -William Arthur Ward





Imagination Combined With Intention
I'd like to share these powerful tools (of intention combined with imagination) with you, in a guided meditation, designed for greater happiness: yours and all peoples. I invite you to give yourself 10 minutes.
To set the stage, see that there is nothing in your surroundings that may distract you for the duration.

Start by holding the intention of harmony with all beings, with all life. This simple act may well be the most important step in this process
Make yourself comfortable. Close your eyes and breath deeply. Allow your breath to enter in through your nose, filling your lungs and abdomen. Exhale through your mouth. Give yourself a minute to slow your breathing to about one breath for every 30 seconds. Give yourself a moment for this.

Now imagine a beautiful light above your head. Imagine this light as the Light of your Higher Self. You may wish to give it a color. See it scintillating with Vibrancy. See It radiate out in all directions. Take a moment.

Now imagine a beam of this Light descends into and through your head, into your heart. See it grow in your Heart. See it pulsate with Life and Love. As you breath in, feel the elation and joy in your heart. Take a moment.

Now send a steady beam of this Light and Love to someone you love dearly. See this person receive this Light in their heart. See them relax as they breath it in. See it grow in their chest, reaching into their internal organs; feeding their entire body like the most real nutrition. See them grow in vitality and joy. Take a moment.

Now send this Light to the people in your life; to friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, community leaders. Send it to people with whom you are in conflict. As you love them, you are loving yourself. Take a moment.

If you find yourself questioning your right or ability to Love so large, consider the following words. "We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. ”  ~ Marianne Williamson

Now send this Light to the people in the world you believe most need it. Imagine it traveling around the world and raining Beauty on people everywhere. Swami Muktananda said "It's always raining Grace. You just need to take down your umbrellas". Imagine all people having "taken down their umbrellas" to deeply receive this love. Imagine the entire world in harmony, in celebration,  song, dance, music, and however you are inspired. Do this now.


Enjoy this.....
"Just imagine a world where there is no conflict, no selfish competition,only loving cooperation. Imagine a world free of pollution, free of want, free of disease, free of disaster. Imagine a world populated with smiling, laughing, happy, joyous people, all radiantly healthy, all abundantly supplied, all loved and loving. Get the feel of such a world, and put yourself right in the middle of it. Think of yourself as filled with life and energy and vitality, with a body that is strong and vibrant. See yourself surrounded with abundance and enjoying true prosperity. See yourself doing what you love and loving what you do, unbound and free. See yourself with the capacity to embrace and love and serve every single man and woman and child on this planet, regardless of who they are or what they have done and feel that unconditional love radiating from you to all, and returning from all to you. And then see everyone in the world as you have seen yourself in the ideal. Let there be peace in your heart, the excitement of victory in your mind, and joyous words on your lips."  Selamat Ja! Sheldon Nidle & Colleen Nidle

May all being be happy. May all beings know Peace.