Addiction

What is addiction? How do we recognize when we're addicted? What to do then?

 "Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance or engages in an activity that can be pleasurable, but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life, responsibilities, such as work or relationships, or health. 
Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others." ~ Psychology Today

Common And Seemingly Uncommon Addictions
When you are sad, bored, or depressed, do you go shopping?  Rather than looking at what you can acquire, look for what you can let go of.  When I let go of something physical, mental and emotional "space" are cleared. It's as though by letting go of a thing, I have more of me! "Less is more". I feel more relaxed and inspired.
 
When you travel, is there some element of escape from your life? Do you give yourself permission for activities when you travel, that you don't allow yourself in your daily life?  What does this say about your daily life?
There's a scene in the Star Trek movie "Insurrection", when the crew of the Enterprise visit a planet where the people have the capacity to travel anywhere in the galaxy but don't. When asked why, one of them replied "Where would galactic travel take us, but away from here?" Sonoma County is this way for me.

We are led to believe that for us to be happy, we must have entertainment, adventure. Yet, these activities are only temporary retreats from what I call our "default state": the experience of ourselves and our lives that is most common to us.

Dependence On Making Others Dependent On Us
We may not recognize when we are attempting to lure people into a dependency on us. When we can create this dynamic, we feel a temporary sense of power; one that likely turns to emptiness. Reflecting on a significant relationship in your life, please take a moment to answer the following questions. As writing is so revealing, you may wish to write your answers.
In this relationship:
Are you looking for a certain kind of attention? What kind? Why?
Are you in a power struggle? What is the nature of this struggle?
Are you making them your "project? What are you looking to change in them? Why?
Do you feel yourself to be a better person when you're with them? How so?
Do you look to them for permission to behave a certain way or engage in a certain activity? What way/activity?

When in relationship, we often pick one of two polarities. Call them high/low, good/bad, empowerment/dis-empowerment, right/wrong, deserving/ undeserving. I have chosen all those roles many times throughout my life. When I have chosen the "high", "deserving", or "good" polarity, I put on a persona to match that. I talk the "high" or "good" talk, while hiding those aspects of my life I think the person I'm relating to will disapprove of.   As a child, I assumed the belief that I was a "good, loved" child. So, as an adult, I have  tried to place myself into the "good" polarity.

Addiction To Emotions
Often, our first reactionary emotion is anger. We believe that this makes us powerful and will frighten our "opposition."  We feel adrenaline moving through us, our hearts beating faster, the blood flowing faster, providing more oxygen to our bodies. Through this, we know we're alive. From this perspective, being peaceful is somehow associated with weakness. Yet, we are our most clear thinking, centered, and strong, when we're peaceful. We are more aware of our surroundings and other people. We are more aware of what is authentically true for us. True strength is accessed through a still mind.
When wallowing in sadness, we can find further evidence as to how we are alone in the world and how "nothing goes our way." We sink into depression and see a world filled only with loss and heartbreak.
When we allow our fear to influence us, we make our choices from a sense of inferiority; from a subconscious belief  that we are not deserving of love and success in our lives.
Allowing our emotions to influence our choices perpetuates this self imposed scale of deserving-not deserving, superior-inferior, worthy-not worthy, good-bad, acceptable-not acceptable.

Addiction To Thought
Thoughts are our constant companion, whether we like them or not. Even when our thoughts are distressing and worrisome, there is a familiarity with them. We believe it's our thoughts that remind us that we're alive.       "I think, therefore I am." ~ Rene Descartes
Our lives revolve around thoughts such that we believe that without them, we are somehow lifeless and purposeless. We have become so addicted to this belief that we may never even question the value of thought. This is our most basic addiction. The one that leads to all others. When we deal with this addiction, all other addictions and in fact, our very existence, is positively influenced.

"I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences. I am not the content of my life. I am Life. I am the space in which all things happen. I am consciousness. I am Now. I Am."  ~ Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks


Beyond (or behind) our thoughts, there is an awareness that has always watched the drama of our lives. It's like a screen upon which the movie (thoughts, emotions, even our dreams) is projected. Although this "screen" (this awareness) remains free from what is projected upon it. In Eastern Mysticism, this awareness  is called the "witness". I consider this "witness" our doorway to Infinite Life

Notice when you are focused on creating or giving, how you have fewer thoughts about yourself, about what you can get from another (no greed or manipulation); no thoughts of hiding or defending. In fact, there are fewer thoughts altogether!
 
Becoming Aware Of Addiction

One great dynamic to reveal our addictive tendency is in the drum circle. When playing a rhythm, we often experience boredom (just like life, when in a repetitive cycle) This boredom may also be experienced as a frustration and an increasing desire for a change: speed up the tempo, add some more parts to the rhythmic pattern, something! It's this very boredom (both in the drum circle and in life) that leads us to try to find something to "fill our consciousness." When one stays with this boredom, not trying to change or minimize it, but accepting it, the boredom gives way to deeper peace and joy. Sit with your boredom, let it build within you, breathing deeply as you do. Let go of results and time, of doing of any kind and just sit. The boredom will pass when you have fully accepted it. When I do, I experience a peace and joy as sweet as any entertainment or adventure. This peace is available 24/7.

Freedom From Addiction
I love to quote Joseph Campbells pithy, poignant, phrase; "Follow Your Bliss". Like the bumper sticker says: "If it ain't fun, don't do it".  I believe the essence of why we fall into addiction is that deep down we know this exquisite Bliss is within us: that it is in fact, who we are. But since we are so addicted to thought, we use our thoughts to find it. We look to externals to experience it. It ain't there.

Follow your bliss. What do you love to do?
Following my Bliss, my entire life has changed. I do work that I love, I live with people that I love, and have learned how to return to love when I have entered conflict. Follow your bliss long enough, and your life becomes filled with inspiration and passion.

Do you feel stuck in your life? Do you have concerns in a relationship or.feel weighted down by  addiction?
Do you want to experience the wealth of strength and joy within you?
It is my profound honor to assist you through whatever passage you are traversing, to a deeper awareness of your innate worth, and the recognition and expression of your unique gifts.
Visit my web page; www.SaharPinkham.com.
On Facebook: Sahar Eric Pinkham
On YouTube: SaharSound

I wish you Peace.

Meditation

Meditation is the uninterrupted flow of focused awareness.

We All Meditate
In every thing we do, is the opportunity to bring this focused awareness.
In fact, you are already engaged in some form of meditation. Just discover what. A few of the activities in which we experience this focused awareness are driving, gardening, cooking, walking, dancing, sitting, sex, playing music, exercise, writing, sports, eating, reading, crafting, building, drawing, studying, painting, cleaning, washing dishes: you get the idea.


Feeling emotion deeply is meditation. Notice how when angry, there are times when you have greater focus. Notice when you allow yourself to fully feel and express sadness, how much your mind is focused. When scared, to the extent that you just feel this fear, free of blame or victimization, do you feel alive. Notice also in these instances, just how quickly emotion moves through you, returning you to peace. Emotions are just "energy in motion."
When we allow thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations to be experienced, we are in meditation.

It's when we apply meaning and/or past associations to the experience that we think of the experience as "bad" or painful. In Eastern Mysticism, the distinction is made between physical pain, being a natural part of life and suffering, caused by our overlaying of stories/ meanings/ associations onto the moment. There's nothing to be done, but accept and feel "pain", but suffering, it is said, is optional. Suffering is a choice.
Another way of looking at this is that suffering is caused by the false belief that we are unlovable, no one accepts us, and that we're separate and alone. What I call our "what about me" fears.

Notice when you are in a focused awareness (or meditation) how you have no thoughts about yourself. No thoughts about what you can get from another (no greed or manipulation); no thoughts around why you should hide (there's nothing to hide); no thoughts about any need to defend (there's nothing to defend). There's no "what about me." Notice how you're experiencing a steady flow of focused attention on your activity and how good you feel. In this "flow" or "zone", there's no self-awareness, no separate self, no me verses anyone or anything, no "fight or flight".

"I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences. I am not the content of my life. I am Life. I am the space in which all things happen. I am consciousness. I am Now. I Am."  ~ Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks

The "Zone".
In one study of athletes "peak experiences" or the "zone", "characteristics included focusing on the present moment, effortless merging of action and awareness, loss of personal ego, sense of control, clear feedback, and an intrinsic reward system. Athletes recalled these special moments during sport participation as salient, highly valued and extremely meaningful.' This "zone" has been studied extensively in sports. while often missed in our day to day activities.

Meditation has it's formal practice as well. You may associate it with the following steps: sit up straight, in the lotus or half lotus position, place your hands on your knees or in your lap. Have a focus, whether it be on a mantra, a geometric design, your breath, or on a given location, like between your eyes or your navel.

When I studied formal meditation, I learned that meditation is one step in a series of steps. This first step being "concentration". I learned that the step of concentration is when one is attempting to bring focus to a certain train of thought, such as repeating a mantra. Think of the analogy of the meditator being like a carriage driver and our thoughts are the team of horses. I think of the stage of concentration as attempting to bring the horses (our thoughts) into alignment. Initially, the horses are heading in all different directions, not unlike an unfocused or confused mind. The next stage is "meditation". In this stage, the "horses" have come into an alignment. We still have thoughts, but we are not pulled in different directions by them. We are peaceful and somewhat detached. In this experience we're not lead by reaction, confusion, or fear. We are motivated more from peace.

                                         The "Pink Pig" family (last name Pinkham, you know)
Group Meditation
Ever been to a sporting event with thousands of people rooting for one of two teams? Quite provocative, right?  Lots of energy, lots of excitement. Whenever we are in a group with an aligned focus, our experience is amplified.  As the group aligns, we experience an amplification of the peace we experience alone. This is a form of group meditation. Take a look at these amazing results of studies documenting the profound effect on communities, of this dynamic:http://maharishi-programmes.globalgoodnews.com/maharishi-effect/research.html.

My favorite form of group meditation is as a drum circle. An amazing way to align our consciousness, while having great childlike fun. Take a look at this video of a drum circle I had the honor of facilitating:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvIBpmEFZ8

Peace, Sahar

Three reasons why people have relationship difficulties and how to solve them.

We often think of sex and money as being the two primary areas of conflict in relationship. Conflict is an expression of underlying unmet needs. So, what are the motivating factors that lead to conflict?

Assumptions

The dictionary definition of the word assumption is "taking for granted; arrogant". When I take someone for granted or I am arrogant, I recognize this as an expression of  "self importance".  What to do?  Deny our self? Love our self?  To understand which path to take, we need to understand what we mean by "self".

 What is this self that we think of as us?  When we speak of "self", aren't we just referring to a collection of stories; of memories, fantasies, and beliefs? Think of this as a book. We're each a "book" of stories.  From our early life, we identify with this collection of stories and develop strategies to keep this "book" safe and "alive". We move through our lives comparing our "book-selves" to other peoples "book selves".

Yet, like the wind, these "books" have no solid ground, no permanence. And until we question the truth of our existence, we enforce this "story" illusion each time we rely on a story to determine the basis of  reality.
In Vedanta, one practice is "neti neti" or "not this, not this". This is the practice of recognizing what of our existence is temporary. When all that is temporary is identified and transcended, whatever remains is of a permanent nature; the truth of our existence.

Beyond the "book" that makes up our "self", there is an awareness that has existed throughout our entire lives. As a child, that awareness observed our every thought, word, and action. It is the same awareness that watches our thoughts today. Everything else in our lives has changed, except this awareness. From the cells of our bodies which are completely renewed every seven years to our deepest beliefs, everything changes.

This "awareness" is our eternal and only real Self. It is pure awareness, free from story and any sense of duality. Everything else is a critique of life based on the stories.

When I'm "story-less", I have no thoughts about me; what I can get, how I can hide, how I can be "seen". When I am "story-less" I have no  inclination to  make other's wrong, or overpower them. In these moments, I "get" whomever I'm with. I understand them intellectually, I "walk in their shoes" empathetically. If they are living from their "book", I recognize the  need they are trying to get met. Along with this awareness is the appropriate means to be with them in a way that reaches beyond their "book" to them; the uniquely beautiful and alive being they intrinsically are. This is often understood as "being present."

A teacher of mine once said "I'm monogamous with everyone".  I understand him to mean that he is fully present with each person he's with. His attention and his love are given to them unconditionally.

"I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences. I am not the
content of my life. I am Life. I am the space in which all things happen. I am
consciousness. I am Now. I Am."
                                                                                 Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks

Expectations. 

This one always leads to disappointment. The extent to which I have invested in my expectation is the extent to which I will be be disappointed. 'Tis a bummer. When I recognize that I'm expecting a certain response from someone, I look to see what need of mine I'm trying to get them to meet. It may be that I want appreciation. It's always about wanting acceptance.

So, what better way to meet this need than by giving it? "In giving is receiving." Simple and easy.
"The greatest gift you can give is the purity of your attention." ~ Owm'r Faruuk
  
Keeping secrets. 

I don't mean day to day details. I mean the stuff of life. When we're honest with ourselves, we know which "stuff" is pertinent to share. By not sharing, we create a deception, no matter how small.

Whenever we withhold something from another, mental, emotional, and physical energy is stifled. Our natural state of being is one of flow. Consider that e-motions are "energy in motion". In our natural state, emotions are experienced and expressed. It's that simple. Otherwise they (along with their accompanying stories) remain within us and manifest as "stuck energy" or "cellular memory".

Stress as defined in the dictionary is "pressure or tension exerted". Stuck energy is stress. Each secret/withhold we accumulate adds to the amount of stress we carry and experience. Eventually, "withholds" require so much energy that we give more vital energy to them than we do those things that we hold precious! We're investing more of our life force into hiding than we are into what and who we love.
That's gotta hurt!

Oriah Mountain Dreamer put it this way in The Invitation :

         It doesn’t interest me
         if the story you are telling me is true.
         I want to know if you can
         disappoint another
         to be true to yourself.
         If you can bear
         the accusation of betrayal
         and not betray your own soul.

Do you feel stuck in your life; have concerns in a relationship; .feel weighted down by addiction?
Do you want to experience the wealth of strength and joy within you? It is my profound honor to assist you through whatever passage you are traversing, to a deeper awareness of your innate worth, and the recognition and expression of your unique gifts.

Visit my web page; www.SaharPinkham.com.

I wish you Peace.