Climate Change: Humanities Greatest Opportunity

Climate Change: Humanities Greatest Opportunity.

A Scientists' Take

"The primary cause of global warming is from humans, mostly burning of fossil fuels to drive cars, generating electricity, and operating our homes and businesses. Within the next fifty to one hundred years, the Earth may be hotter than it has been in the past million years. As oceans warm and glaciers melt, land and cities along coasts may be flooded. Heat and drought may cause forests to die and food crops to fail. Global warming will affect weather everywhere, plants and animals everywhere, people everywhere." ~ Ashiq Hussain

"The throwing out of balance of Nature throws out of balance the lives of men." F.D.R.

How have we gotten to the point where we are looking at the possibility of human extinction? We have tried to control life on Earth. Yet, by the results, we see that we've failed miserably.
In our attempts to control life, rather than recognizing that everything we need is provided, we perpetuate the belief, that just to survive, we have to struggle.

"In complete control.
Pretending control, with dignified authority
We are charlatans...
Or maybe just a goats' hair brush in a Painters' Hand" ~ Rumi

I believe this poem has answers for us. I believe that being the "brush" means that we are the "tools" through which this "painter" creates their art.  We are like Pinocchio and Gepetto is the universal force beyond us, pulling the "strings". And when we let go of control and align with this infinite force we feel expansive, alive, and inclusive.
 We've all felt it.

"There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart, and they will suffer greatly.

Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water. See who is in there with you and celebrate.

At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally. Least of all, ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary.

All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we've been waiting for. ~ Hopi Elders, Arizona

There is a flow to life of great beauty, where synchronicity and magic are the norm. To align with this "flow", we must know how to recognize it.  Lean into the voices of inspiration, intuition, and love. Abandon all investment in the thoughts that tell you that to get by you need to push, lie, manipulate, hide the true you, or become rich or famous. These fear-based concepts have no place in this flow.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."                         ~ Howard Thurman

The balance of our planets air, water, and soil has been trashed. As we are moving closer to the "precipice" of environmental destruction (and our very existence), we are seeing beyond our perceived differences, to recognize that we are one family. We are learning that each person has skills, gifts, talents, and ideas, unique to them that can be a contribution to the well being of life on this planet. We are stepping out of fear and isolation, into Love.

Gossiping/Complaining/ Venting: Any Value?

Do you ever just want to express your angst, your anger or frustration unedited in the presence of someone who fully accepts you? But, do you prevent yourself from doing this fully because you believe that by expressing these feelings you're perpetuating them, maybe even making them (and whatever issue you're dealing with) bigger? Do you then keep them to yourself? When feelings are not expressed, they become nagging annoyances. They fester and grow into dis-ease. Think of emotions as "energy in motion." They gotta be expressed. They need release. It's HOW we express them that makes all the difference. When we share them with the intention of getting others to agree with us, to support our position, we are gossiping. The more we look for collusion from others, the more intense and all encompassing these feelings become. You could see gossiping as one end of a spectrum. Next along this spectrum is complaining. When we complain, we may not be looking for collusion or even agreement. But, we may be indulging ourselves in our victim story or our righteousness. Here, the feelings may not become all encompassing as rapidly as gossiping. But they will continue eating at us. At the healthy end of this spectrum is venting. Inherent in the word is the idea that we are releasing. When venting, we aren't looking for agreement. We want to be witnessed. Our intention is to have whatever is within us expressed. Without venting, we as the pressure cooker, will explode (very messy). To vent with someone simply witnessing me feels awesome! I feel stronger and I gain insight as to how I can more deeply feel my emotions and express them. If you want to vent in a safe, supportive environment, where you are seen and accepted just as you are, contact me. I have a coaching practice in Sebastopol and in Novato. Follow this link for more details on my work with my beloved Ronit: http://www.communityacupunctureofmarin.com/blog/mindful-coaching-for-individuals-and-couples May the venting be with you, Sahar

Life Coaching Support

Heart-Centered Life Coaching

If you are:

• Concerned about a relationship
• Stuck in your life
• Weighed down by addiction
• Afraid of what's around the corner 
• Yearning to open to the wealth of strength and joy within you...

It is my profound honor to assist you through whatever passage you are traversing, to a deeper awareness of your innate worth, and the recognition and expression of your unique gifts.

Before I started this work, I would not have been able to express myself in this way. I have developed strong loving friendships." - K .Radtke

"Sahar prepared the space for growth and safety that set the stage for breakthrough experiences." -  D. Church, co-author of "Heart of The Healer"

"Sahar prepared the space for growth and safety that set the stage for breakthrough experiences." -  D. Church, co-author of "Heart of The Healer"

"It allowed me to learn more about whom I really am and what I want in life. We were able to truly do some deep gut level work. I feel better about being a man." - P. LaDeau "Miraculous! I look forward to more time spent in your safety and wisdom. Thank You from deep in my heart."  - M. Holland

About Sahar

In 1975, I experienced a profound awakening that lead me on a path of self-discovery. During my study with the spiritual master Swami Muktananda, I received certification as a teacher  of meditation and yoga. Recognizing the power of  the imagination, I added to this, a study of hypnotherapy. In 1988, I became certified as a hypnotherapist. The following year I received  certification as a third level Reiki practitioner. In the early 90's, I developed the series "Exploring The Male Heart", designed to assist men in  deepening our experience of ourselves: individually, as a gender, and as spiritual beings. Also in the mid 90's, I created the series "The Sacred Art Of Drumming", designed to give an experiential knowledge of ones' True Nature along with tools to express this in daily life. I have worked as a counselor, life coach, and mentor for 25 years, guiding individuals and groups.  I am available at my home in Sebastopol, Sonoma County; as well as in Novato, Marin County, CA .

The Drum Circle: A Time For Connection

Ever been to a sporting event with thousands of people rooting for one of two teams? Quite provocative, right?  Lots of energy, lots of excitement. Whenever we are in a group with an aligned focus, our experience is amplified. This is the amazing gift of the drum circle. As the group aligns with a steady tempo, we experience an amplification of the peace we experience in meditation. This is a form of group meditation. Take a look at these amazing results of studies documenting the profound effect of this dynamic: http://maharishiprogrammes.globalgoodnews.com/maharishi-effect/research.html.

In drum circles, I witness participants drop into peace and  experience an expansion of the sweetness we identify as intimacy. As each person drops into stillness it becomes easier for others to follow. The "default" state of everyone present is no longer of thought and separation, but of peace and Oneness, creating a kind of hundredth monkey dynamic;  the more people who enter peace, the easier it is for those who haven't to do so.

To listen to an extended interview I had on this subject, with Susan Baron, a Doctoral Candidate in Clinical Psychology at the PsyD Program at California Institute of Integral Studies, click on:
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/9w6q0548cfzwei0/Vi9FW3jCse/Sahar%20Interview-Baron%20Study%2012%2016%2013%20%201H24M57S.MP3      (cut and paste into your url)


Drumming In Celebration Of
Our Sacred Traditions During this darkest time of the year, are you yearning to be with others in an intimate and supportive environment? I invite you to join our circle through the holidays and the birth of a new year. We'll gather in a warm, candle-lit home, around a fireplace. The rhythms will be soulful, the guided meditations, tranquil and reflective. 6 Thursdays, beginning December 15th Held at 1356 Hurlbut Ave., Sebastopol 7-9pm. $120. (707)331-5460 We will honor each of the following holidays: Dec 15th: Solstice. Embrace the gifts of this darkest time. Dec 22nd: Hannukah/ Diwali: the Festival Of Lights. Welcome the light. Dec 29th Christmas: honor the birth of innocence and love within. Jan 5th New Years: renewal of intention. Welcome the new. Jan 12th Martin Luther King Day/Kwanzaa: Celebrate African American culture. Jan 19th: Honoring our Local/Global community/family. If you are inspired to share a ceremony with us, please contact me. Visit my web site: http://saharsound.weebly.com/ Read my blog at: http://saharsound.blogspot.com/ On YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/saharsound On Facebook: Sahar Eric Pinkham About Sahar I have been playing hand drums for 36 years and teaching them for 22 years. My study has taken me to the feet of Zakir Hussein. He has been given the moniker of "worlds greatest drummer" by The Grateful Deads' Mickey Hart. At The Ali Akbar Khan School, I studied with Swapan Chauderi. I studied extensively with the Sikh priest Sham Sher Singh. I also have had the honor a brief study with BabaTunde Olatunji. I teach congas, djembe, tablas and other hand drums. I teach group series and private drum lessons, out of my home in Sebastopol. I offer private lessons in person and via Skype.I tailor a lesson plan that is right for you, in terms of duration, frequency and pricing. As we feel and express our unique rhythm, we align with the Rhythm of Life.

I invite you to take a look at this amazing drum circle, I had the cool privilege of facilitating, in honor of Baba Ola Tunge, at The Health & Harmony Festival.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvIBpmEFZ8.

If you want to read more of my blogs, go to: http://saharsound.blogspot.com/

I wish you Peace,
Sahar

Heart Centered Life Coaching/ Counseling

If you are:

*Concerned about a relationship
*Stuck in your life
*Weighed down by addiction
*Afraid of what's around the corner
*Yearning to open to the wealth of strength and joy within you...

  It is my honor to assist you through whatever passage you are traversing, to a deeper awareness of your innate worth, and the recognition and expression of your unique gifts.

Testimonials
"Before I started this work, I would not have been able to express myself in this way.
I have developed strong loving friendships." - K .Radtke

"Sahar prepared the space for growth and safety that set the stage for breakthrough experiences." -
Dawson Church, co-author of "Heart of The Healer"

"It allowed me to learn more about who I really am and what I want in life.
We were able to truly do some deep gut level work. I feel better about being a man." - P. LaDeau

About Sahar
  In 1975, I experienced a profound awakening that lead me on a path of self-discovery. During my study with the spiritual master Swami Muktananda, I received certification as a teacher of meditation and yoga. Recognizing the power of the imagination, I added to this, a study of hypnotherapy. In 1988, I became certified as a hypnotherapist. The following year I received certification as a third level Reiki practitioner.
  In the early 90's, I developed the series "Exploring The Male Heart", designed to assist men in deepening our experience of ourselves: individually, as a gender, and as spiritual beings.
  In the mid 90's, I created the series "The Sacred Art Of Drumming", designed to give an experiential knowledge of ones' True Nature along with tools to express this in daily life.
  I have worked as a counselor, life coach, and mentor for 28 years, guiding individuals and groups. I am available at my home in Sebastopol, Sonoma County; via Skype: as well as in Novato, Marin County, CA.

On Prejudice

Prejudice is as prevalent today as it has ever been. The recent national consensus report gives a sobering example. Although only 4% of the U.S. population are black males, they account for 60% of all people incarcerated in this country. Statistically, one in three black men will spend time in prison in his life, whereas one in seventeen white men will spend time in prison.

Why is this? What is it that perpetuates this need to oppress another? In short; fear. But of what?
And why is it that the minorities seem to be receiving the brunt of this prejudice?

"Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible."   ~   Maya Angelou

The Root Of Prejudice

When we allow our shame to influence us, we make our choices from a sense of inferiority; from a subconscious belief  that we are not deserving of love and success in our lives. If we don't recognize that we are being controlled by our shame, we externalize it by transferring it onto someone else. We assign them the place of inferiority, while we assign for ourselves the place of superiority, in an attempt to feel our worth. But as long as we externalize our shame, we'll continue to see ourselves on a self imposed scale of deserving - not deserving, superior - inferior, worthy - not worthy, good - bad, acceptable - not acceptable.

We have repressed our shame on a collective scale. Globally, we play out this "shame scale". Imagine a group of people who are controlled by their shame, getting together and conferring about their need to be superior. Although, this group could be any demographic, given that I am a white male, and am acutely aware of how white males have discriminated, I'll assign these people that color and gender. "How shall we do this"? they ask. "Well, we have to have a common enemy, people we can all agree are inferior to us. It should be people who are easily identified. We'll then come up with 'evidence' to prove how inferior they are." Through having identified this other group, they now have a false sense of bonding; they now have each other to validate their illusory sense of superiority.

Since their common "enemy" has to be someone they can always spot, their easy choice was women and other races; a  kind of default choice, as on the surface, women and other races appeared so different. This speaks to the fragile nature of prejudice.  Prejudice is just a collectively agreed upon belief, which has no basis in reality. There's the story of the woman who when she goes to bake the roast, cuts the ends off and throws them away.. When asked why, she has no logical answer other than to say "that's how my mother did it". When asked, her mother said the same, all the way back to the great-grandmother who started the "tradition" of cutting the ends off the roast for the simple reason that it was too long for her pan! It started as a reasonable step and became a tradition; an assumed way to think and act. Like this tradition, prejudice has no logical basis. It's roots are plane and simple; insecurity.

"The less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice.".  ~  Clint Eastwood

It has been a century and a half since the Civil War and  racism continues to this day. In contrast, the gay rights movement got under way in 1976, with Harvey Milk being elected as the first openly gay city commissioner in the country. In these relatively short 36 years, the "gay" issue is now nearly behind us.

So, why is it that gay rights have moved along so quickly while minority rights move so slowly? I suggest it's because gays are harder to "spot". As simple as that. How fragile prejudice is! "If we can spot 'em, we can judge 'em". Gays have always engaged in every area of life, through the entire spectrum of social experience: economic (from poor to wealthy), political (from red to blue), and religious...you name it. "Coming out of the closet" was the best thing they could have done for themselves and so in turn for all of us.

"If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other causes for prejudice by noon."   ~ George Aiken

We're All Prejudiced

We can drop this painful drama by simply acknowledging that we're all prejudiced. We all have shame-based feelings of low self worth and at times, try to compensate by attempting to be superior to another, whether through developing a skill, a degree, a big bank account, a fancy home or car or most prevalently, an "attitude".   Through the lens of shame, we go through our lives comparing ourselves to literally everyone to determine whether we are either more deserving or less deserving than they are. We then get to the work of either becoming "superior" or keeping "superior" to them.
This mechanism is "alive" in all of us. Let's be honest, we're all afraid (to some degree) of each other.
We're afraid of their judgement, which is rooted in our own belief in our lack of worth.

An Exercise

Within the first moments of meeting someone, we develop a story (albeit subconscious) of this person's activities, preferences, even their beliefs.. I invite you to look at a picture of a person you or don't know (or preferably, sit with someone) and ask yourself the following questions, taking note of what comes to your mind.

What is this person's income?      What are they good at?       What do they do for work?
Are they mechanically inclined?    What type of house do they live in?    Do they rent or own?
What is their religious affiliation?   Are they a vegetarian?          What is their sexual preference?     
Are they competitive?                  Do they like sports?             Are they introverted or extroverted?              Are they superficial or "deep"?     Are they creative?  If so, how?        Are they intelligent?        
What are their "blind spots"?        What kind of relationship would you have with them?

Once you've written your answers, take a moment and share this information with them. This can be very revealing for both of you and therefore, very intimate, which I find interesting because you have just told them all your judgments about them. Yet you feel closer to them and they to you!!!
Once we acknowledge this previously subconscious story (that was determining our choices regarding our relationship with them) it no longer controls us.

The genesis of prejudice is "other" thinking; seeing ourselves as different from other people. When we move beyond prejudice, we move beyond seeing ourselves as different.

The Worlds State of Affairs

Humans Growing Up; A Story

In the 50's we were like children. We lived with "Father Knows Best", both in our lives and on t.v. The male authority was God and we accepted that. We might have felt angry, scared, or alone. But, for the most part, we tried to put on a happy face, to give the impression that all was always fine. In the 60's we grew into our "teenage years" and rebelled. No way were we going to go along like sheep and say "yes" to our governments desire to kill and oppress. It was a time of acting out our anger and fear that had been building throughout our "childhood".  During the 70s and 80s, we grew into "adulthood"; we were waking up. We started questioning others motives. Reality t.v. became a hit, along with talk shows that dug deep into peoples personal lives. Gossip had come out of the closet. We took a long look at people we thought were different from us and realized that they're not so different. They have the same feelings as us, the same needs as us.

As we grew up, we went from blaming others to questioning our choices and our very existence. For decades we had avoided politics, accepting that all politicians were corrupt and since we told ourselves that we were not, we let them do the "dirty work". But we realized that we had abandoned ourselves by letting others legislate our lives. Because we did not hold them accountable, the politicians were enjoying the freedom to legislate how they saw fit. Not needing to listen to "the people" they were in bed with those who would further their agenda, while receiving lots of $ to further their insider friends agendas.

In the 90s and early 2000s, we brought what had been expressed in the streets in the 60's to politics and corporate America. Today, we continue our search "down the rabbit hole". We are digging deeply to understand just how far we have gone in relinquishing our own freedom of choice. We see the deceit and oppression of those to whom we have abandoned our free will and we don't like it.

As we dig deeper into our search for Truth, we see just how complacent and in denial we have become.  We now are taking a good look at who we are. We are hearing "not in our name" more frequently. We are reclaiming the power that we had relinquished so many years (if not millennium) ago.
We are hotly debating every aspect of life, with the underlying themes of justice and equality. Every issue that had been in the "closet" is now center stage.

Every aspect of our existence is being examined as never before. From equality to environmental stewardship, to the birth rite of each person to choose their path. I believe that we have chosen to recognize that we are one people, one family; in truth, one mind. We have chosen to awaken to this truth at this time, concordant with the massive changes we see everywhere on the planet.

The Catalyst For Change

The times in my life when I have awakened the most are the times when my survival was most at risk. In fact, to the degree that I was on the "edge" was to the degree that I recognized the beautiful gift that is my life, this world, and the people in it.
.
Beyond war, deceit, oppression, and our perceived differences is the very environment in which we live. The balance of our planets air, water, and soil has been trashed as we have abandoned ourselves. We are in a process of returning fully to being the stewards of our planet. As we are aligning in this one focus, greater creativity is being released. As we move seemingly closer to the "precipice" of environmental destruction. we are stepping out of our fear and isolation into Love. The call to return to our Oneness has never been louder and our aligning in Oneness has never been faster.

We are realizing our deepest dreams on the canvas of our entire planet.

In the "big picture", remember that even our bodies and this planet are transitory. This will all cease to be at some point. That we are One in Consciousness; this is eternal. I believe that we are here to return to that awareness. I believe that we have chosen to use this "play field" of Earth to come Home.
Welcome Home.

Still we see our human sisters, brothers, and our children being brutalized. This brings us to our knees. It breaks our hearts. What can we do, how can we "deal" with this reality?  I do my best to put myself in their shoes; both the perpetrators and the victims. As I "walk" in their shoes, I imagine what they may be experiencing and become clear as to what needs they may be trying to get met. No matter which side of any conflict someone is on, in the end, they want love. The sooner I understand what is motivating them to their fight or flight stance, the sooner I understand them, and have compassion for them .


Consider these few lines from the song, The Rose;

"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance.
It's the one who won't be taken who can not seem to give.
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live."

When I have walked in the shoes of another, I understand what needs they are trying to get met. The beauty of this is that by assisting them in getting those needs met, I find mine met as well. I feel fuller, more satisfied. If you want to receive compassion, offer it.

 "Be the example you want to see in the world." 
~Mahatma Gandhi

Hardship

How It Starts
I grew up in a very sheltered town: white, middle class, conservative, straight (for all that I was aware). We were taught to be polite. The "darker" nature of humanity was hidden away from us. Even our parents distress and conflicts were kept behind closed doors. So, when they finally divorced, it was a huge and sudden shock.

Although, we often think that we are giving our children a gift by hiding the more base side of ourselves, what a child learns is to fear people who behave with other than the sanitized politeness. Even worse, children learn to fear these natural aspects of themselves. They learn to repress their fear, anger, even their sadness. When this is the case, they cannot access the great assets these emotions provide. Fear may warn us of danger, anger may be a call to justice, sadness may evoke compassion: it may open a door through which we can experience the impact of a loss and therefore, truly let go.

When my parents divorced, I moved with my mother to a life that provided opportunities to open to my repressed emotions. In a school where I was teased, chased, and beaten to the point of having my leg broken, I could no longer deny the feelings boiling within. The fear that kept me running away from these bullies turned to anger that exploded towards one boy who had chased me after school. This huge volcanic release of anger was quickly followed by a torrent of sadness. It was a very cathartic and enlivening experience.

"I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!"
~The Invitation, Oriah Mountain Dreamer

The Gift Of Hardship
Reflecting back to that time, the greatest gift has been to see just how I brought this situation into my life (and inevitably, all situations). Entering this school with the naivete that I should only be polite, not defend myself, nor tell an authority, I quickly became the bullies' personal punching bag. It was my lack of knowledge of this side of society, how to be with it, and my discomfort with my anger, that attracted this dynamic into my life. If I'd been comfortable with my anger, I wouldn't have continued to cower and remain passive. In reality, that dynamic was the perfect opportunity for me to access my anger and use it to advocate for myself. Granted, this was an explosive expression of it, which is what we often experience when we are afraid of what we might do or what might happen to us, if we express it

This wake up became a huge doorway of opportunity for me. I studied martial arts and meditation. I got into counseling. These tools allowed me to see 1) just how much I had closed off from my emotions, 2) how much of life I was missing because of it, and 3) how beautiful and enlivening the experience of emotion is.

Two years into my first marriage, I had an affair. I lied outright to my wife. This was very painful. I thought that I had done something so shameful that it needed to be hidden from her, that telling her would be too painful for her, and more to the point, for me. I told her lies, which just amplified this pain. Our relationship eroded until I couldn't handle it any longer. Telling her the truth, although initially very painful, was the most freeing thing I could have done. When I finally confronted my fear and shared openly, I felt great relief and freedom. I also learned from the depth of pain of having had an affair, that I didn't want to do that again.


"I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine of your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it!" ~The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dream

Throughout my life, what in the moment I identified as "hardship", I have since recognized to have always been a Gift. These times humbled me, bringing me closer to my humanity. They deepened my compassion for myself and all beings, and in the end, opened my heart to greater Love and acceptance, while deepening my gratitude for life.

The Hawaiian Kahuna practice of Ho 'Oponopono is the cultivation of the awareness that everything in life is a Gift. Every thing, every situation, every person, every breath, even every thought and feeling. The only focus we need to have is to treat this Gift as we would any other gift. We "unwrap" it with anticipation of the new, fresh opportunity that is presented to us. If initially we don't see the Beauty of this Gift, we ask "What Gift is Life giving us?" til we do. We look for the Gift in every moment. And when we do, we find it. We cherish it. We recognize what it means to "cherish" this life that is ours. With this attitude, there is never hardship.

"The World Is As You See It" ~ Swami Muktananda
 So, is hardship even a real thing, or is it how we perceive the situations in our lives? Is it perhaps a fabricated human falsehood? Imagine that at our core is the "petri dish" of perception: how we think of ourselves and the world. Out of this foundational idea/story grows our self image and the lens through which we see all of existence. The optimist sees a world of opportunity, the pessimist sees gloom.

"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance.
It's the one who won't be taken who can not seem to give.
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live."
The Rose~ Amanda McBroom

Do you feel stuck in your life? Do you have concerns in a relationship or.feel weighted down by  addiction?
Do you want to experience the wealth of strength and joy within you?
It is my profound honor to assist you through whatever passage you are traversing, to a deeper awareness of your innate worth, and the recognition and expression of your unique gifts.

Contact me:
On Facebook: Sahar Eric Pinkham
On YouTube: SaharSound

I wish you Peace.

"Defending" Peace

  Over the last six months, we have had the honor of caring for my wife Rebeckas' best friend (of 45 years!), Melody, during her cancer treatment and transition. She asked us if she could stay with us because she believed that she would receive the best care and the most loving support with us, in our home. The kind of care and support she believed she could not receive at her home in Grass Valley. We gave her our bedroom, which was perfect for her, as it has it's own bathroom and is separate from the rest of the house. Like a small apartment. We considered it an honor to have her stay with us. A profound opportunity to be of service.
  We set out to make our home a sanctuary for her and all those who would come to visit and stay. Many did. For the last two months, there were no less than 5 people staying in our home and with visitors, we had as many as 15 people here at a time.
Her youngest son Pavel, visited her about two weeks before her passing. He came into our house stoic and angry, not saying a word or making eye contact. While visiting Melody, we wanted to make him (and the 6 other people visiting her) comfortable, so we brought chairs and pillows up. After I brought up a chair, Rebecka brought us some pillows. To Rebecka, Pavel said "this is your house. But this is my mother. So, keep your husband out of this room, as I'm feeling like I want to throw something through the wall!"
  When she came back downstairs, I saw a look of terror on her face, like I've never seen. This saddened me greatly. I also felt great anger. I wanted to storm up there and expel him from our house. It took all my will to restrain myself from this. I didn't confront him, because I so wanted to support him in having as loving a visit with his mother as possible. I just stayed out of the way. In fact, after speaking with a few people about how to proceed, we agreed that it would be best if I wasn't visible when he came through. I tucked myself away in our sons bedroom for the duration.
  Our house being a two bedroom, towards the end of Melodies life, we frequently  used Elijahs' room as the only other room in the house where we could close the door. It was very magnanimous of him to share his only private space with us.
  Rebecka and I had set out to make our home a place where all were welcome. We made it our focus to support all who came, with a hug, a meal, or a bed. We loved the idea of creating this sanctuary. So, to have Melodies' son come and (as we saw it) defile this temple (where his own mother had requested to stay), shocked us to our core. We were distressed for many days after his visit. It was enough to be caring for her in our small home, with a steady flow of people coming through. This was devestating.
 When we finally felt some peace again, word got to us that apparently, Pavel hadn't had his "moment" with her. We witnessed many beautiful exchanges between Melody and the people who came to visit her (possibly, their last time). Each, having had their "moment:" a sharing of tears, regrets, wishes, and love.
  So, word got to us that Pavel was returning.  I remember it vividly, the morning that we got this news. I was doing yoga in Elijahs' room (the available room), feeling very conflicted as to how to protect my family from threats (or worse), while keeping as peaceful an environment as possible.
The plan that I approached Rebecka with was, that when he arrived, I would stand outside the front door with another adult male, with the door closed. I would say something like "you are welcome to be in our home as long as you are kind to all who are here and threaten no one." I would extend my hand, to see if he would shake it in agreement. Then, I would allow him in.
  Rebeckas' response was that I should not even be visible when he arrived. Like before, it would be best if I stayed in Elijahs' room. The nurses, the social worker, the friends and family who were with us, all agreed.
I was torn. My male, husband, father, protector: gaurdian of our home wanted to take a position of strength.
It occured to me to call on those whose expertise it is to protect and keep the peace. I called the Sebastopol police station. Now, the police in this town are a fine example of peace-keepers. I have witnessed them many times, in difficult situations, where they used tact and dialogue to deescalate a situation. I told the cop my idea of standing strong in front of our sanctuary. He listened without interruption. He proceeded to tell me that the best plan would be for me to not be visible to Pavel. Why give him a target for his aggression? Just let him on through and if there was a problem, to call 911.
  I was very grateful for his advice. I was also very relieved. Once again, Life had taught me that there is always a way to create peace: always a way to be peace.

"You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war." ~ Albert Einstein

Death Bed Forgiveness

 In March of last year, my wife's best friend (of 45 years!) Melody, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The most deadly of all cancers.

 Melody asked us if she could stay with us during her treatments and during this time of transition. We were honored to receive such a request and proceeded to create our home as a sanctuary for her and all those connected to her, who would be visiting and staying with us.
 While with us, I had the honor of supporting her therapeutically. As a counselor and hypnotherapist, I supported her in delving into her psychological wounding. As we reflected on her relationship with her sister Dawn, it became apparent that for her, this relationship held more pain, grief, and shame than any other. For Melody, the enormity of this pain was so great, that she believed it to be insurmountable: unhealable. So much so, that she didn't want to address it.Yet, in the final stages of her cancer, word got to Dawn that Melody was dying and Dawn came to visit. 

 When Dawn arrived, we ushered her up to Melodies room. There, with Melody barely able to speak, they made eye contact, they held hands, they cried, and each said "I love you." I had the profound Gift of witnessing how this seemingly immovable obstacle to love, melted in a few seconds. Gone. 

Replaced with, love and gratitude. Truly a miracle. 

 The only obstacles to love were Melodies thoughts about all the instances in her past, when she had experienced pain.  She had decided that given these experiences, love was not possible.
 She compiled these experiences into a "book" as it were, becoming a kind of "playbook" for relationship: a reminder of what was possible (pain) and what was not (love). But the moment Dawn showed up, the book vanished. and with it, the past stories of pain and victimization. In that moment, all she knew was love and gratitude. She needed to let go of that "book" in order to love.

 Our present time emotional suffering stems from the belief that our present and our future will be filled with suffering, given our past. So pain is a "time thing."  It only exists when we bring in the past hurts and overlay them onto our present reality. Whereas love is a "present thing".

In short, the only evidence for the existence of time, is the "
distance" we are from love.
Bon Voyage Melody. 

Addiction

What is addiction? How do we recognize when we're addicted? What to do then?

 "Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance or engages in an activity that can be pleasurable, but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life, responsibilities, such as work or relationships, or health. 
Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others." ~ Psychology Today

Common And Seemingly Uncommon Addictions
When you are sad, bored, or depressed, do you go shopping?  Rather than looking at what you can acquire, look for what you can let go of.  When I let go of something physical, mental and emotional "space" are cleared. It's as though by letting go of a thing, I have more of me! "Less is more". I feel more relaxed and inspired.
 
When you travel, is there some element of escape from your life? Do you give yourself permission for activities when you travel, that you don't allow yourself in your daily life?  What does this say about your daily life?
There's a scene in the Star Trek movie "Insurrection", when the crew of the Enterprise visit a planet where the people have the capacity to travel anywhere in the galaxy but don't. When asked why, one of them replied "Where would galactic travel take us, but away from here?" Sonoma County is this way for me.

We are led to believe that for us to be happy, we must have entertainment, adventure. Yet, these activities are only temporary retreats from what I call our "default state": the experience of ourselves and our lives that is most common to us.

Dependence On Making Others Dependent On Us
We may not recognize when we are attempting to lure people into a dependency on us. When we can create this dynamic, we feel a temporary sense of power; one that likely turns to emptiness. Reflecting on a significant relationship in your life, please take a moment to answer the following questions. As writing is so revealing, you may wish to write your answers.
In this relationship:
Are you looking for a certain kind of attention? What kind? Why?
Are you in a power struggle? What is the nature of this struggle?
Are you making them your "project? What are you looking to change in them? Why?
Do you feel yourself to be a better person when you're with them? How so?
Do you look to them for permission to behave a certain way or engage in a certain activity? What way/activity?

When in relationship, we often pick one of two polarities. Call them high/low, good/bad, empowerment/dis-empowerment, right/wrong, deserving/ undeserving. I have chosen all those roles many times throughout my life. When I have chosen the "high", "deserving", or "good" polarity, I put on a persona to match that. I talk the "high" or "good" talk, while hiding those aspects of my life I think the person I'm relating to will disapprove of.   As a child, I assumed the belief that I was a "good, loved" child. So, as an adult, I have  tried to place myself into the "good" polarity.

Addiction To Emotions
Often, our first reactionary emotion is anger. We believe that this makes us powerful and will frighten our "opposition."  We feel adrenaline moving through us, our hearts beating faster, the blood flowing faster, providing more oxygen to our bodies. Through this, we know we're alive. From this perspective, being peaceful is somehow associated with weakness. Yet, we are our most clear thinking, centered, and strong, when we're peaceful. We are more aware of our surroundings and other people. We are more aware of what is authentically true for us. True strength is accessed through a still mind.
When wallowing in sadness, we can find further evidence as to how we are alone in the world and how "nothing goes our way." We sink into depression and see a world filled only with loss and heartbreak.
When we allow our fear to influence us, we make our choices from a sense of inferiority; from a subconscious belief  that we are not deserving of love and success in our lives.
Allowing our emotions to influence our choices perpetuates this self imposed scale of deserving-not deserving, superior-inferior, worthy-not worthy, good-bad, acceptable-not acceptable.

Addiction To Thought
Thoughts are our constant companion, whether we like them or not. Even when our thoughts are distressing and worrisome, there is a familiarity with them. We believe it's our thoughts that remind us that we're alive.       "I think, therefore I am." ~ Rene Descartes
Our lives revolve around thoughts such that we believe that without them, we are somehow lifeless and purposeless. We have become so addicted to this belief that we may never even question the value of thought. This is our most basic addiction. The one that leads to all others. When we deal with this addiction, all other addictions and in fact, our very existence, is positively influenced.

"I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences. I am not the content of my life. I am Life. I am the space in which all things happen. I am consciousness. I am Now. I Am."  ~ Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks


Beyond (or behind) our thoughts, there is an awareness that has always watched the drama of our lives. It's like a screen upon which the movie (thoughts, emotions, even our dreams) is projected. Although this "screen" (this awareness) remains free from what is projected upon it. In Eastern Mysticism, this awareness  is called the "witness". I consider this "witness" our doorway to Infinite Life

Notice when you are focused on creating or giving, how you have fewer thoughts about yourself, about what you can get from another (no greed or manipulation); no thoughts of hiding or defending. In fact, there are fewer thoughts altogether!
 
Becoming Aware Of Addiction

One great dynamic to reveal our addictive tendency is in the drum circle. When playing a rhythm, we often experience boredom (just like life, when in a repetitive cycle) This boredom may also be experienced as a frustration and an increasing desire for a change: speed up the tempo, add some more parts to the rhythmic pattern, something! It's this very boredom (both in the drum circle and in life) that leads us to try to find something to "fill our consciousness." When one stays with this boredom, not trying to change or minimize it, but accepting it, the boredom gives way to deeper peace and joy. Sit with your boredom, let it build within you, breathing deeply as you do. Let go of results and time, of doing of any kind and just sit. The boredom will pass when you have fully accepted it. When I do, I experience a peace and joy as sweet as any entertainment or adventure. This peace is available 24/7.

Freedom From Addiction
I love to quote Joseph Campbells pithy, poignant, phrase; "Follow Your Bliss". Like the bumper sticker says: "If it ain't fun, don't do it".  I believe the essence of why we fall into addiction is that deep down we know this exquisite Bliss is within us: that it is in fact, who we are. But since we are so addicted to thought, we use our thoughts to find it. We look to externals to experience it. It ain't there.

Follow your bliss. What do you love to do?
Following my Bliss, my entire life has changed. I do work that I love, I live with people that I love, and have learned how to return to love when I have entered conflict. Follow your bliss long enough, and your life becomes filled with inspiration and passion.

Do you feel stuck in your life? Do you have concerns in a relationship or.feel weighted down by  addiction?
Do you want to experience the wealth of strength and joy within you?
It is my profound honor to assist you through whatever passage you are traversing, to a deeper awareness of your innate worth, and the recognition and expression of your unique gifts.
Visit my web page; www.SaharPinkham.com.
On Facebook: Sahar Eric Pinkham
On YouTube: SaharSound

I wish you Peace.

Parenting

My Story
One week after I graduated from high school, I moved into an ashram (the Indian equivalent of a monastery). I wanted to experience the Truth of my existence. Also, if my parents relationship was any clue to marriage, I wanted to get as far away from that as possible. I saw marriage as a death of sorts, filled with repression, dishonesty, drudgery, and pain: lots of pain.

In addition, I saw raising children as a further step into this "hellish" realm.  Children would only add chaos to the picture, exacerbating this horror. I believed that all things joyous and free were not to be found as a spouse or parent. So, I traveled down a path of celibacy and monasticism for 6 years.

Even with this strong fear of relationship, I met my first wife in the ashram and we were married within a year. Six years later, we had a son. For the first few years of his life, I feared his dependency on me would exclude all life outside of taking care of him and working. I believed that for the next 18 years, I would have no freedom. No time for me.

This fear that we'll lose our freedom, upon having a child, is common among new dads; one that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. We transfer our fears of parenting onto our children and our lives, creating a life of drudgery. We tell ourselves that our children are in part, the cause of this drudgery. "If it weren't for them, we wouldn't have to work so hard, so long". We may find ourselves regretting time with our children, while waiting for a few "precious" moments to ourselves. I call these thoughts "what about me"?!

Fear Turns To Guilt
During my first sons teenage years, I felt much guilt, that I had been so distracted by my fear, during his early years.
This guilt lead me to not be clear in my relationship with him. I would invite him to participate with me, in activities that he wasn't interested in and then I'd be disappointed/ sad when he didn't want to join me. I would take this as a rejection. My decisions were clouded by my guilt, such that I couldn't see that he just wasn't interested. What a tangled web we weave!

These fears of marriage and parenting were the phantoms from my own childhood, continuing to haunt me. I was raised in a home where we children were often separate from our parents. When our father (who worked long hours) arrived home, we weren't allowed to be with him, or my mother. They went into the den, closing the door. When we wanted to be with them, we would knock on the door to the den and wait for a "yes" before entering. We'd stand in the doorway, ask our question(s) (usually rehearsed), receive an answer, and then leave, closing the door behind us. Formal, impersonal, and cold.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." ~ Albert Einstein

How remarkable that the very lifestyle that I feared most is the one that has encompassed over 1/2 of my life!  When we invest energy into pushing something away (in this case, marriage and kids), we give it energy. To the extent that we reject anything is the extent to which it stays with us! Think of yourself as standing inside a big rubber band. As you push against one side, you are met with the same force. The more you push it away, the more force there is on you.

Healing Your Inner Child
To recognize just what "wounds" you are bringing into the present, take a moment and recall the most painful memory from your childhood. Bring that memory fully into your minds' eye. Place yourself into that scene. As you are reliving this scene, what do you feel? Sadness, fear, anger? The extent to which you feel these emotions is the extent to which that experience still colors your life today. I invite you to give yourself a few minutes for the following exercise. It may assist you in freeing yourself from the influence of your past.
Imagine the child (who was you, from that memory), standing in front of you. See them feeling all that you felt in that scene. Take a moment for this.
Imagine centered in your heart, a brilliant colored light. Let this be the 'Light of your inner Love'. Breath in this Light and let it fill you. Send a steady stream of this Light to the heart of this child. See them receive it. See them fill with gratitude, and peace. See this Light fill their chest. See them rejuvenated by this Light of your Love, as though they are receiving the most enlivening Nutrition. See Joy fill their being. See them feel Inspired, Creative, and Loving. Do this now.

As you send this Light to them, take this moment to tell them whatever you are inspired to say. Reassure them that you are aware of them and their needs: that you now advocate for them in every way. Take a moment for this.

Now, see in their heart a brilliant, colored Light of Love. See a steady stream of Light and Love extend from their heart to yours. Allow yourself to receive it fully. Let it fill you as they have just been filled. 
Now envision a flow of Light and Love from your heart to theirs and from their heart to yours. Take a moment for this..

You may wish to imagine taking them in your arms: feeling the warmth of their little body against yours. You may then wish to create a beautiful, sacred spot for them in your heart. Place them there, surrounded by your Love.

Every time you find yourself in the influence of these past hurts, remember this child and send them Love.

The Gift Of Parenting
I see parenting as a journey of clearing the path before us, so that we may see the "path" that our children are on, not the one we think that they should be on. Whatever unhealthy beliefs and behaviors from our childhood, that we carry into our parenting, our work is to free ourselves from allowing it to influence how we see and therefore parent our kids. Our work is nothing short of completely freeing ourselves of these influences, that we may see our kids clearly: that we may no longer see that there is anything at all that we need to change in them. In so doing, we see our children's innate ability to handle whatever is in their lives. They come into this world with the strength to meet any challenge. They come in with the creativity to rise and flourish. For example, infants are fully aware of what they want and don't want, and have no fear expressing this. An infant will cry until they are fed, changed, given a nap: until the unmet need is met.

"Be The Example You Want To See" (from your children) ~ Mahatma Gandhi
The only reason that we see anything other than capable, strong, immeasurably creative beings is because of 1) how we have taught them, through our own unhealthy behaviors and more importantly, 2) we doubt our ability to support them in recognizing and living in their innate strength and beauty. Simply, when we recognize that within us is an infinite wealth of creativity and strength, we see it in others and support them in seeing it in themselves.
 The following applies to us and our kids. Read it once as it is, then replace references to you with your child's name,                                                                                 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marriane Williamson

Enjoy this adventure with my sons::https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwsaAT022Vc

                                                            My son's upcoming play

Meditation

Meditation is the uninterrupted flow of focused awareness.

We All Meditate
In every thing we do, is the opportunity to bring this focused awareness.
In fact, you are already engaged in some form of meditation. Just discover what. A few of the activities in which we experience this focused awareness are driving, gardening, cooking, walking, dancing, sitting, sex, playing music, exercise, writing, sports, eating, reading, crafting, building, drawing, studying, painting, cleaning, washing dishes: you get the idea.


Feeling emotion deeply is meditation. Notice how when angry, there are times when you have greater focus. Notice when you allow yourself to fully feel and express sadness, how much your mind is focused. When scared, to the extent that you just feel this fear, free of blame or victimization, do you feel alive. Notice also in these instances, just how quickly emotion moves through you, returning you to peace. Emotions are just "energy in motion."
When we allow thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations to be experienced, we are in meditation.

It's when we apply meaning and/or past associations to the experience that we think of the experience as "bad" or painful. In Eastern Mysticism, the distinction is made between physical pain, being a natural part of life and suffering, caused by our overlaying of stories/ meanings/ associations onto the moment. There's nothing to be done, but accept and feel "pain", but suffering, it is said, is optional. Suffering is a choice.
Another way of looking at this is that suffering is caused by the false belief that we are unlovable, no one accepts us, and that we're separate and alone. What I call our "what about me" fears.

Notice when you are in a focused awareness (or meditation) how you have no thoughts about yourself. No thoughts about what you can get from another (no greed or manipulation); no thoughts around why you should hide (there's nothing to hide); no thoughts about any need to defend (there's nothing to defend). There's no "what about me." Notice how you're experiencing a steady flow of focused attention on your activity and how good you feel. In this "flow" or "zone", there's no self-awareness, no separate self, no me verses anyone or anything, no "fight or flight".

"I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences. I am not the content of my life. I am Life. I am the space in which all things happen. I am consciousness. I am Now. I Am."  ~ Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks

The "Zone".
In one study of athletes "peak experiences" or the "zone", "characteristics included focusing on the present moment, effortless merging of action and awareness, loss of personal ego, sense of control, clear feedback, and an intrinsic reward system. Athletes recalled these special moments during sport participation as salient, highly valued and extremely meaningful.' This "zone" has been studied extensively in sports. while often missed in our day to day activities.

Meditation has it's formal practice as well. You may associate it with the following steps: sit up straight, in the lotus or half lotus position, place your hands on your knees or in your lap. Have a focus, whether it be on a mantra, a geometric design, your breath, or on a given location, like between your eyes or your navel.

When I studied formal meditation, I learned that meditation is one step in a series of steps. This first step being "concentration". I learned that the step of concentration is when one is attempting to bring focus to a certain train of thought, such as repeating a mantra. Think of the analogy of the meditator being like a carriage driver and our thoughts are the team of horses. I think of the stage of concentration as attempting to bring the horses (our thoughts) into alignment. Initially, the horses are heading in all different directions, not unlike an unfocused or confused mind. The next stage is "meditation". In this stage, the "horses" have come into an alignment. We still have thoughts, but we are not pulled in different directions by them. We are peaceful and somewhat detached. In this experience we're not lead by reaction, confusion, or fear. We are motivated more from peace.

                                         The "Pink Pig" family (last name Pinkham, you know)
Group Meditation
Ever been to a sporting event with thousands of people rooting for one of two teams? Quite provocative, right?  Lots of energy, lots of excitement. Whenever we are in a group with an aligned focus, our experience is amplified.  As the group aligns, we experience an amplification of the peace we experience alone. This is a form of group meditation. Take a look at these amazing results of studies documenting the profound effect on communities, of this dynamic:http://maharishi-programmes.globalgoodnews.com/maharishi-effect/research.html.

My favorite form of group meditation is as a drum circle. An amazing way to align our consciousness, while having great childlike fun. Take a look at this video of a drum circle I had the honor of facilitating:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvIBpmEFZ8

Peace, Sahar